Polyamory, Attachment & Embodiment with Ben van Kempen

How do we align our desires in relationships, with the needs of our bodies and minds for safety? 

How do we cultivate a thriving, stable network of caring, intimate bonds when such bonds themselves may also be triggering and upsetting to our nervous systems?

If we strive to cultivate attachment with loved ones in a radically different manner than the one presented as the standard (which is mononormative), allowing for multiple relationships or partners of a sexual, romantic and/or intimate nature, then we are often doing so without healthy examples or role models. Unfortunately, our sought-after ideals are often challenged by reality: triggered nervous systems, unexpressed fears, difficulties to set and express boundaries, and feelings of jealousy and envy. All of which turn out to be emotionally very heavy to handle and far removed from the life we envision. Were we really meant to suffer this much when simply wanting to love more?

This talk examines embodiment as a helpful key in bringing more awareness to our needs, the needs of our significant loved ones, and the interconnected web of people we are connected to. How do we build, become and stay part of a sustainable, loving network, where we support each other, and where our feelings can guide us towards our needs and desires? 

You can expect a combination of a talk along with some small embodiment exercises, as well as a somatic meditation. We focus on why so-called 'negative' emotions and experiences like shame, anger, envy, jealousy and anxious worries deserve attention and recognition, and we investigate the balance of focusing on the self versus focusing on the other and/or the group, and we spend attention on how to communicate and express desires and boundaries. Of course, there is time for a Q&A at the end.

SPEAKER

Ben Van Kempen

Ben is a Dutch sex positive, queer identity affirming (pronouns: he/they), polyamorous integral therapist (at the final stage of training) with a passion for embodiment, body awareness, psychedelics, kindness and relating and connecting in attunement. After close to a decade of experience with non-monogamy, he has faced many emotional peaks and valleys in that journey. He realises more than ever before that with polyamorous and other non-standard relating in our modern world, people are often attracted by the idea of it, but challenged by the actual reality of it. They wish that everyone would be able to build, cultivate and strive for the relationship(s) in their life as would best fit them. He also co-runs the FireJuice, a psychedelic Bed & Breakfast in Amsterdam, with immersive art on the walls.

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